DIETING

There's one thing to be said for a diet--it certainly does improve your appetite. 

E. Wilson.

Ever notice how people on a diet are never reduced to silence? 

G. S. Galbraith.

Statistics and Stuff

Daily Exercise for the Non-Athletic: A calorie guide citing a recent medical association report: "Proper weight control and physical fitness cannot be attained by dieting alone. Many people who are engaged in sedentary occupations do not realize that calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise." Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.

Beating around the bush..................... 75
Jumping to conclusions......................100
Climbing the walls..........................150
Swallowing your pride....................... 50
Passing the buck............................ 25
Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight)..........50-300
Dragging your heels.........................100
Pushing your luck...........................250
Making mountains out of molehills...........500
Hitting the nail on the head................ 50
Wading through paperwork....................300
Bending over backwards...................... 75
Jumping on the bandwagon....................200
Running around in circles...................350
Eating crow.................................225
Tooting your own horn....................... 25
Adding fuel to the fire.....................150
Opening a can of worms...................... 50

Source Unknown.

HUMOR

Stress Diet: Breakfast--1/2 grapefruit, 1 slice whole-wheat bread, 8 ounces skim milk. Lunch--4 ounces broiled chicken breast, 1 cup steamed zucchini, 1 Oreo cookie, 1 cup herb tea. Mid afternoon Snack--Rest of the package of Oreo cookies, 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream, 1 jar hot fudge sauce. Dinner--2 loaves garlic bread, large pepperoni and mushroom pizza, 3 candy bars, entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from the freezer.

Source Unknown.

Diet tips: If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they will cancel each other out. Calories don't count if you eat with someone and you both eat the same amount. Food taken for medicinal purposes does not count. This includes toast, hot chocolate, brandy and Sara Lee chocolate cake. If you fatten up everyone around you, you'll look thinner. Snacks consumed at a movie do not count as they are part of the entertainment. For example: Mild Duds, popcorn with butter, red licorice and M&Ms. Pieces of cookies contain no calories. The process of breaking causes a calorie leakage. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.

Source Unknown.

The problem with bucket seats is that everyone doesn't have the same size bucket. 

O. Smith.

Never eat more than you can lift. 

Miss Piggy's Guide to Life.